Only In Death
by Sky Capatanio
Summary: A man wounded in service to the Golden Throne of Terra tries to face the horrors his wound brings him.
1. Despair

Only In Death

Private James Harper charged across the windswept desolate no-mans-land on Marnes Prime. Just as he had every night for the last 2 years. He slipped in the black dust that covered the land and almost fell. Sergeant Wheeler grabbed him and dragged him back up.

"C'mon Private" He shouted. "You can rest when you're dead but while your alive you move your ass! For The Emperor!" A shout went up from all the troops of the Cadian 412th behind James and they charged with renewed vigour. That's when it all went to hell. The shells started falling. The charging men were suddenly pounded by massive artillery. The archenemy had fortified this point well since the last air recon. Then it happened. James didn't want to watch. Not again. A shell landed right in front of him and threw him into the air. As he landed he momentarily blacked out. When he came to the ground was soaked with blood. Not his. He had been lucky. The men in front of him hadn't been. What was left of them lay there. Still. James looked to his right and saw a man trying to staunch the flow of blood from the stump of what used to be his leg. He looked to his left. Wheeler lay their most of his head obliterated and his body still twitching. Suddenly a figure was standing over James. A man dressed in power armour. The man looked down and James saw his face. It was carved with grotesque symbols that James didn't want to even think about but couldn't look away from. And then the figure smiled. He would never forget that smile. An autopistol raised in the figures hand. And fired.

James sprung up. Sweat drenched his body and the bed he lay in. Mike looked up from the bunk beneath him.

"The dream again?" he asked.

"You know it." Replied James who was still shaking. As he talked his lips on the left side of his face only vaguely mimicked the speech. "I'll be back in a sec." James hopped down from the bunk and threw on his vest. Making his way through the maze of sleeping troopers James heard something.

"Hey. You alright halfy?" a man shouted to him. Two men sniggered from one of the bunks. They all had their names for him. Halfy, Two-Face. He didn't care anymore. Their names had lost their sting long ago. James made his way to the latrine and stepped inside. He threw water on his face and looked up at the mirror. His empty face stared back. He tried smiling. As usual only half his face completed the gesture. The other half stayed still. Since the pistol shot on Marnes Prime all that time ago he couldn't smile. Nor could he frown, pout, or anything else involving all his face. The medics had said it was a miracle he had survived. He saw it as a curse. The side of his face the pistol shot had destroyed was replaced with a cheap bionic construct. It looked like a human face and it allowed him to talk but apparently the more actions it did the more money it cost. And the military didn't need him to smile or frown or pout. Because of them however now James was in this situation. When he came back from the medics most of the men openly and blatantly shunned him. Even those who didn't acted different around him. Mike was the only who hadn't changed. Even James's fiancé was less tolerant than Mike. He'd had video contact with her a few weeks after the operation. She'd cried when she saw his face. She said what she thought he wanted to hear but she was never the same. A few months after that he had got a letter from her. The letter contained her engagement ring. James tried to put it all out of his mind. He smiled again. Again it came out a smirk. Always a smirk. James looked out of the small window over the rest of the ship. The massive spires, the huge weapons. The _Pride of Cadia_ sped towards their next battlefield. Sometimes James just prayed to be free. Of the jeering guardsman, the staring eyes. Free of the torment his own face brought him. But he wasn't free. Every battle, every planet, every week, every day he wasn't free. For only in death could he be free.

When I write the next chapter depends on reviews so keep 'em comin'!


	2. Duty

James tapped his foot against the metal plating acting as the floor of the landing ship and tried to calm down. The other men talked and joked as usual but he'd never gotten used to dropping through atmosphere. The Cadian 412th had been dropped into the battle currently at a deadlock on Turnaka and escort the Royal Family of the planet to safety. Apparently the information they had was of great importance to the Imperium. James didn't care. He just did what he was told.

"Stow weapons!" the pilot called over the intercom. James took his lasrifle and clipped it into place beside his seat. He felt his stomach rise as the breaks kicked in and the engines swung around to face the ground. The drop ship landed softly on the ground and almost immediately the back doors opened.

"Go, go, go!" the pilot shouted again. The 412th weren't setting up camp or anything of the sort, like the main assault. Since Marnes they'd been drastically reduced in numbers and the Imperium thought they would be more use doing in-out missions. Sabotage, escorting and the like. The situation on Turnaka could be a lot worse. The Mahernak Palace was currently in the hands of the Imperials of the Voltin 450th who were spearheading the main assault against the forces of chaos. However it was right at the front of the fighting. 412th, E company moved out of the drop ship and towards the palace.

The defences had been set up around the Palace by the time E company had located the royal family. James was the first one into the dining hall. It took all his willpower not to throw up. The men behind apparently didn't have as strong a will as James. The royal family were all hanging from the roof. Or at least what could have once been the royal family were. They were little more than a tangled mass of flesh. The Voltin hadn't investigated the palace when they'd arrived. They hadn't had time. They'd simply set up defences and fought back the skirmishes the Forces of Chaos had sent their way. The north gate was heavily fortified and manned by about 60 of the Voltin now backed up by 20 of the 412th. While this seemed like a small force to be holding the main entrance to an important location of the battle, the ramp leading up to the gate was wide enough for about 10 men. The skirmishes had been cut down almost instantly, caught in the choke point ripped apart by stub and las fire. The south gate had a small checkpoint and 3 men guarding it, however that way lead into the Imperial front lines so it needn't be so defended. Or so they'd thought. No sooner than the exploration team left the palace than the shots opened up. The three men guarding the checkpoint were cut down instantly, severing limbs and pulverising bodies the chaos came through the south gate. Harper leapt down in to the command dugout, the closest piece of cover he could find and witnessed the last moments of the man who had led the 412th since Marnes Prime.

"Of course we're being attacked! You didn't post men around the sides of the wall and you tell us now? Are you a fragging idiot?" Colonel Crenshaw was shouting at the Voltin leader.

"I mean are you…" Crenshaw didn't finish the sentence. Heavy slugs punched through the wall of the dugout and ripped through both men and most of the command staff leaving only Harper and a young Lieutenant called Beltram according to the name stencilled on his chest plate and helmet. He was now in command of both the 412th and 450th and didn't look in any state to command. He stood there spattered with blood of fellow officers, shaking. Harper ran over to him.

"Sir we have to get some defence around the south gate or they'll break through." Harper shouted at him. Beltram looked up at him.

"Um… uh, yes of course. Maybe we could… um…" the man drifted off staring at the remains of the officers around the dugout. He snapped back to attention.

"Maybe we could get some of the men manning the north gate to…" he was cut of by the sound of heavy stubber fire. Obviously the north gate was being attacked to, but they could hold.

"We need to plug the south gate. Blow it down." Beltram suggested. "Get all the tube charges you can find and gather them up. We need a big charge to blow that gate." Harper saluted and ran out of the dugout. There was a clanging, bouncing noise. The unmistakable sound of a frag grenade. In any other area it wasn't very effective, but in the cramped trench it would be vicious. Harper tried to throw himself back into the dugout but he was to late. The grenade detonated and sent him flying in to the doorframe. He sank into darkness.

By the way I probably should have mentioned this is a short story. Sorry I didn't mention it before! But anyway keep the reviews coming.


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